London, December 26, 1862
…The telegrams announce a battle on the 13th and from the scanty items I infer that it was another Antietam, only worse. In short I am prepared for a complete check and am screwing my courage up to face the list of killed and wounded….
We have our hands full and things are in a very lively state. The notes are becoming savage, but we have a clear case and are making headway. I find myself, I think, of use, and am well content to be here. My former restlessness was caused by the Pope campaign which upset us all. On the whole I would infinitely prefer to be here to going into the army, and it is only when there really seems to be a superior call to the army that I feel disposed to move.
Anxiety has become our normal condition and I find a fellow can dance in time on a tight rope as easily as on a floor. It is harder to keep one’s temper, but even that I now contrive to do in very trying cases. A steady pressure tells better here than anything else, and if our people will be cool, I think we can set England straight….
I have been staying several days at Monckton Milnes’ place in Yorkshire where we had a very jolly little bachelor party….
Even the stoic steadiness of nerve that I am trying to cultivate, shakes under the apprehension of the next news.
