Monday, April 20th. I was asleep the greater part of last night, but cannot call it rest. Oh! those hideous dreams which haunted me. I went to a market on Bridge street in Waco, where human flesh, sound and putrid, was bought and sold. I bought and ate, and made my children eat, then dreamed again. Oh! such horrid, phantastic and awful visions as only opium can breed! Fearful crimes were calmly concocted, and the darkest mysteries were enjoyed with devilish glee! Every thing which was unholy, everything fiendish, damnable and impure seemed ever present. But the night and the dream have past, and let them be past forever! I am not so well to-day as yesterday, but do not think I will need any more medicine.
Major Holman came to see me again this morning. Mr. Lewis, an old gentleman, formerly clerk of the Federal Court at Tyler, also came to see me. He is just from Huntsville, Alabama, and gave me suggestions as to the route across the Mississippi.
I took a whisky toddy this morning. Miss Beloy came in and brought a very fat, pretty baby, her little sister. She is an amiable looking girl—reminds me of sister Mac (Mrs. DeSanssure) as she looked in the golden old days when we were young and before so many friends had dropped like flowers in the tomb, and when Mac had lightly “supped sorrow.” When I have tears to shed let them fall for the dread affliction of my friends, for Oh! how bitterly, bitterly my dear sisters, Mrs. M. B. and Mac DeS. have suffered!
Mrs. Bacon’s little girl seems very sick to-day. I have been in Mrs. B. ‘s room lying on a lounge nearly all the morning.
Sunday, April 19th. I rested well last night but had the most hideous dreams all night; Mrs. Brownnigg came in early this morning and asked me into her room; I went and found the fire very comfortable; the doctor came to see me and seems to think I am all right now, but must be careful about my diet; says some good brandy is exactly what I need to recruit on; so I missed it by leaving mine at home. Major Holman called to see me this morning; says he will see my transportation fixed all right; offers relief from the loss of my pocketbook; the doctor does likewise; Mrs. Brownnigg offers me money also. I ate nice toast and drank genuine coffee for breakfast; had chicken soup for dinner; spent most of the day in reading one of Bulwer’s novels, entitled, “A Strange Story”; have read fifty or sixty pages, but am not much interested yet. My intention now is to leave here so as to remain at Alexandria the shortest time possible. I learn to-day that Mr. A, my hotel landlord, is tired of soldiers, especially sick ones, and grumbles terribly when one gets out of money at his hotel. If this is true, he is not a true man. I would rather be under obligations to the devil.
Little Bettie Brownnigg is quite a nice girl. Hallie Bacon, several years younger, is in a fair way to be spoiled. There is a young lady, Miss Nora Gregg, staying with Mrs. Brownnigg; she seems to be a clever good girl and is finishing my sock, which wife expected Miss Nannie Norton, of Richmond, Va., to knit for me; she has knit thirty pairs of socks in the last two months; she has a most magnificent suit of soft brown hair.
Saturday, April 18th. I spent a very uncomfortable night; a dull, steady pain all night; had taken twenty drops of laudanum; had no matches and did not wish to disturb my companions; I did not sleep more than an hour; my friends left this morning for Alexandria via Shreveport; I could have gone with them if my physician, Dr. Johnson, had kept his promise and given me medicine yesterday evening that would have insured a night’s rest, but he was detained in the country by an urgent case; General Chambers thinks Texas ought to give three hundred and twenty acres of land for every new born boy; the doctor came in about 8 o’clock in the morning, left three pills for me to take at intervals of two hours and a powder to be taken at bed time; I am getting on very well and will leave here on Monday, I think; I have just discovered that my pocketbook is lost, containing about sixty dollars; I am satisfied that I lost it off the top of the stage between here and the twelve mile stand this side of Rusk; I have had advertisements struck off to this effect, headed, “Lost! Lost!! the Last Red!!!” and asked the stage driver to have them posted on the road every five or six miles; since my pocketbook is gone I feel bound to accept the kind invitation of Mrs. Brownnigg, formerly Octavia Calhoun, to take a room in her house; she has just sent me a nice breakfast, and I have sent her word that I will come down.
I am at Mrs. Brownnigg’s in a comfortable room; do not feel as if I were in the way as there is plenty of house room; Mrs. Bacon, formerly Anna Haralson, is here; she arrived yesterday and started to Georgia with Mr. Bacon, but became disgusted with the trip; she and Mrs. Brownnigg both treat me as kindly as though I were a brother, and I know my precious wife would feel very well satisfied if I could receive such treatment every time I am away from her, but there is no attention that approaches the gentle and delicate touch of a wife’s hand, and there is no wife whose tenderness and sympathy can equal that of my Mary; I must forego the pleasure of her gentle words and smiles for a season, until the kindness of Providence brings us together again; I am located as well here as I could possibly be at home and may God and good angels guard my benefactors.
Friday, April 17th. I left Rusk on the morning of the 16th on a six passenger coach; there were fourteen aboard; the driver was skillful and the road good; I was suffering intensely from dysentery and had a high fever from breakfast time until sundown; oh, the long, long weary miles pent up in that crowded coach; I slept half an hour at Henderson; at the next stand I bathed in the horse bucket and my fever left me; I chewed a piece of salt ham; it was now dark; I laid down on top of the stage coach and was very comfortable about half of the night, but suffered tortures during the latter part of the night; reached Marshall about 7 o’clock in the morning; sent for a physician and will remain here for a day or two, until I am able to travel; Lieutenant Selman had a cup of genuine coffee made for me which I enjoyed very much; Burwell Aycock is trying to get a soft boiled egg for me; I think I will be well in a day or two; this attack was brought on by a check of perspiration after becoming overheated in the walk of four miles to Palestine.
Wednesday, April 15th.
I went to the supper table last night too sick to eat anything; left the table and laid down on a lounge until the hotel keeper could show me a room; I retired early and slept well; got up this morning all right, but did not go to the breakfast table; took a lunch from my own haversack; walked out in town; went to the ten-pin alley and spent an hour rolling; had not played a game before for eight years, and enjoyed it very much; smoked a cigar, a notable scarcity in these times, and returned to the hotel, where I wrote a letter to Judge Devine, and one to my dear wife; may heaven’s choicest blessings rest upon her and my sweet children; went to the dinner table and found the landlady apologizing for some defect and two young females discussing the merits of the Episcopal and Baptist faith; got through dinner somehow and walked down to the quartermaster’s office; got the Vicksburg Whig; stretched myself out on the counter; read and took a nap; got up; went to the armory and would have enjoyed looking over the work very much but felt sick; it produces four Mississippi rifles per day at $30.00 a piece on contract with the state; I am now sitting at the foot of the hill below the armory.
Tuesday, April 14th.
Left Palestine about 5 o’clock a. m., in a two-horse wagon; same company, with the addition of Mr. Mathus of the First Texas. The ride to Rusk would have been insupportably dull but for good company; nothing but red clay hills and deep gullies, ornamented with pine and oak. It, however, brought up some pleasing reminiscences of old South Carolina and my boyhood days—the season when ambitious hopes, burned in my breast and I determined I would be a man—little dreaming then that I would have the satisfaction of striking a blow in the holiest cause that ever fired the breast of man, and illustrating by action the feelings which glowed and burned in my little heart, on reading the stories of Wallace and of Tell.
We reached Rusk about 4 o’clock in the afternoon without an incident of interest, and found W. G. Thomas to be the quartermaster there. He appears to be an accommodating and clever officer and refunded our transportation which we had paid out at Palestine.
To-day is the fifth anniversary of my wedding day, and I have thought often of my dear wife and little ones and wished I could be with them, but I am resolved not to remain quietly at home another moment while a foe is on our soil.
April 13th.
Left Parker’s Bluff at 2 o’clock; roads very muddy and one balky horse to contend with. The driver insisted that he would do very well after he became heated. As the sun was very warm the horse accommodated us by getting heated very soon and gave us very little trouble. Within about four miles of Palestine one hind wheel of the coach gave way and we sank very gently into the road. After considerable delay we placed a sliding pole under the axle and went on our way rejoicing, on foot. We strolled into Palestine about 5 o’clock in the afternoon. It has an older and more settled look than the towns in western Texas. The court house square is shaded by very pretty sycamore trees. It is situated in a hilly, red clay region. About one-third of the buildings are brick and the balance are framed buildings. We discovered here some defect in our transportation tickets, and will have to pay our way to Rusk. It will be just my luck to have to pay all the way to Richmond, Va. I have already paid out since the war commenced five times as much for the privilege of serving in the ranks as the government has paid me, but I am perfectly willing to give all I have if the sacrifice will aid my country in achieving its liberty.
April 12th.
Left McCracken’s at 3 o’clock in the morning. It is my birthday. I am 29 years old to-day (Sunday), Reached Fairfield (70 miles east of Waco) at breakfast; found it quite a neat little town with a large female seminary, but did not stay long enough to walk about the place. Came on to Parker’s Bluff, twenty-five miles, for dinner, having gassed through a sandy, post-oak country until we reached the Trinity bottom, which is a magnificently fertile spot. The Trinity is a narrow stream with very steep banks, resembling a bayou. Mr. Ward was our host and fed us bountifully on venison and wild turkey. The woods were full of game. We remained at Parker’s Bluff until 2 o’clock p. m. on the 13th. There was a gentle norther on the 12th and pretty hard rain on the 13th.
My traveling companions were Lieutenant Selman, Coella Mullins and Burrell Aycock, all of the Fourth Texas regiment, bound for Richmond, Va.
Determined to see action in the Civil War, John C. West, Confederate States District Attorney, Western District Of Texas, resigned his position for a second time and reenlisted with Company E, Fourth Regiment, in April 1863; he fought at Gettysburg, Chickamauga, and Knoxville before being honorably discharged in February 1864.
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The Diary
Left Waco, Texas, on the morning of April 11, 1863; bid adieu to my dear little Stark and Mary at home; said good bye to my sweet wife at the ferryboat landing (at the foot of Bridge street). Nothing of interest occurred on the way to Springfield, (about forty miles east of Waco); saw two or three prairie chickens and a green sportsman trying to kill one; saw at Springfield, as I had left at Waco, a good many stout, able-bodied patriots, who, somehow, kept out of the service; stopped at McCracken’s, fifteen miles east of Springfield, for the night; found Mr. McCracken a strong Houston man and would vote for him for governor if he “had to be hauled to the polls in a wagon.”
I fear there are too many of this kind and others worse, who will elect Houston if he runs. His election will be an invitation to Yankee invasion. However honest he may be in his devotion to the South, the North would regard his election as an endorsement of his past action.
